The other day I was speaking to somebody who spoke about what a friend of theirs had done in the past and it was clear that they hadn’t been able to proceed from what had occurred. A number of years had passed since that time, but it was like it had happened the day before.
Hearing about this reminded me of the challenges I have had with my mother, and how hard it’s been for me to gradually move on from what happened during my first years. It was irrelevant as to how many years had passed since that time, as I was not able to easy let go and to live in the now.
During the start of my recovery journey, my mind was often consumed by what my mom had or had not done. This then stopped me from having the ability to detach from what was taking place within me.
I was frequently full of anger, anger, and even hate; part of me wanted revenge. And, because of how strong this part of me was, it would take over my whole being and stop me from being able to be a conscious human being.
But, though I had all this going on within me, I rarely voiced what was taking place. I was carrying plenty of trauma, which meant that I rarely felt secure enough to express my feelings.
Along with this, I was told as a child not to get angry and that it was incorrect. If I did express my rage, I might have been told off or hit, and this was the final thing that I desired to encounter.
Hooked Nevertheless, when I did get in touch with how I felt, I would feel strong and alive, which makes it hard for me to see how destructive this was.
It gradually became evident that this was doing me more harm than good, and this was primarily because it had been perpetuating what I had been through as a kid. The only way I would be able to grow and to reside at the moment was to let go.
A Tough Process It was then like this was a simple process, if I had been ready to go through with it.
As time passed it became increasingly obvious that this wasn’t a psychological process or something which would only happen; it was something which would taken place through confronting the way I felt and processing my pain.
At The Core
I came to find that the pain in my body was keeping the past alive and stopping me from being able to live in the moment.
I ended up working with a lot of different therapists and healers, and I had a lot of yelling to do. The crying let me give up a lot of the pain that I experienced as a kid.
It can be easy to get caught up in what happened in the past and for our mind to hold on no matter how destructive it is. Yet, through being conscious of the damage that’s being done, it will be clear how important it is to let go.
Ultimately, holding on only prolongs our own suffering; it doesn’t affect the man who was involved. So, if you’re holding onto what happened in the past and you wish to move on, reach out for the right support.